Learning how to love yourself in pictures
Honest Conversations Series
This is little love letter from Allie to everyone who finds it difficult to look at themselves in photos.
This is a small part of my ‘learning how to love yourself in pictures’ journey, along with some suggestions that might help others like me. This is the start of an ongoing conversation and an ever evolving process; so please be kind, with me and yourselves and we would love to hear your feedback and personal experiences too. I wrote this in order to be open and transparent about my own struggles but I thought it might resonate with you too; so I’m going to be brutally honest, plaster photos of my face everywhere and get really f’ing uncomfortable.
I’m wondering if this is something you can relate to? You’re someone who ‘hates’ having their photo taken. You tell people you’re ‘un-photogenic’. You feel like you turn into a totally awkward gnome with Ricky Bobby hands whenever anyone happens to turn a camera in your general direction.
Well, you have a friend in me!
Learning how to love yourself in pictures is a subject that has been on my mind lately. Well not just lately, for years really! But recently it has been a source of personal inner turmoil and I wanted to get it off my chest, mainly because of how bad I have been at this myself. It started because Nic and I have done a lot of work into our ‘why’. Why we do what we do. Why we want to serve people in the way we do. What drives us and our business.
Honestly I think a lot of our ‘why’ stems from our own experiences and personal insecurities. There are multiple layers to this (we’re onions or cakes. Or both! We are wonderful & decedent and also make people cry … happy tears mostly!), but I digress. One of the core themes that came out for us both is how the medium of photography is capable of capturing intangible connections in a way that can empower people to feel something incredible about themselves. A medium that can convey so much stunning beauty and meaning within one frame.
That when we allow ourselves to, we can begin to see ourselves through the lens of others.
“how you love yourself is
how you teach others
to love you”
As I was thinking about this, I thought about how much of a struggle it was to get Nic and myself in front of the camera for headshot photos. We knew we needed them, we knew we had to show ourselves on our website/social media and ultimately we knew we had to practice what we preached, but why was it so damn hard?! Well, because we were scared. We are our own worst critics, we knew we would dissect and poke and pull apart every little thing about ourselves until there was nothing left. Sound familiar?
So, real talk. I have always struggled with the way a look. I have always turned away whenever I saw a photo of myself. I never listened when people complimented me; I always assumed they were ‘just trying to be polite’, ‘just trying to make me feel better’ or even (shudder!) flat out lying. I understand how terrible that sounds, to read it in black and white, but it is unfortunately the truth and I promised to be honest today. I have always struggled with my ‘weight problem’ (sorry, that’s a awful term that’s toxic for so many reasons) and seeing myself in pictures just compounded the feeling … that I thought I would never be beautiful enough. I would get sucked into my faults spiral. I was only ever this hard on myself; I perpetually compared and admonished myself for not being as beautiful and sexy as other girls who were curvy and looked so damn hot!
“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”
Why am I telling you these horrible things about myself and consciously putting myself in such a vulnerable position? Because in the last year or two I realised how crowded it is in this metaphorical room full of people who feel the same way. I slowly broke out of my self-made bubble of delusion and started having some real conversations.
I was shocked to discover that people who I had assumed to be secure in themselves and having their photos taken (because of how gorgeous and vibrant and sexy I perceived them to be) were actually just like me. They may have a whole host of different and personally nuanced ways to pick themselves apart, but ultimately they have the same fear of being in front of the camera and the same resistance when it comes to seeing themselves in photos.
It made me realise that our ‘Why’ was actually more important than ever but that I needed to start with myself. I needed to walk the walk.
“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”
So, I’m doing the hard work. To learn to look at myself the way I always hope my clients and friends are able to look at themselves. I’m discovering how to love myself in pictures, after a lifetime of avoiding it. Through this work, do I now feel insanely confident in front of the camera and love every image that has me in it? Haha, Nope!
Learning how to love yourself in pictures is always going to be a journey, but there are a few things I have learnt along the way that might help others when preparing their mindset ahead of a shoot, or even just hanging out with friends when there’s an iphone present! Things which ultimately have bled into other areas of my life in a positive and beautiful way.
These are just suggestions; the start of an ongoing conversation. I’m certainly not here to ‘should’ on you. It’s only now that I can see that I’m not alone I want you to know you’re not alone either. We’re in this together, so I wanted to share the things that have helped me thus far :)
Learning how to to love yourself in pictures
Some tips and tricks that have helped me, even giving me the confidence to adore that hideous/hilarious photo on the right ;)
No expectations.
There are no expectations from us, no need to be perfect, no desire for you to be anyone but yourself.
And you don’t need to set unrealistic expectations for yourself either. Are you suddenly going to morph into [insert favourite actor, role model or dreamboat here] the moment you step in front of the camera? nope. And that’s OK. Hopefully you’ve got the tooth paste stain and dog hair off your favourite outfit and that’s just perfect.
Keep an open mind.
Experiment. Play! Remember that you are there to spend time with your partner, family or with your own fabulous self. Enjoy the moment and focus on that instead of worrying about the future images; that’s what we’re there for ;)
Shake it out.
If you’re finding yourself getting into your head, you might just need a moment to shake it out.
Sometimes that looks like taking a deep breath & taking in your stunning surroundings, or just letting the nervous giggles bubble up and roll out of you … or literally allowing T.Swizzle to play in your head and shaking all those cobwebs right out of here!
Getting out of your comfort zone is hard.
Really F’ing Hard! But let’s call it ‘challenging’ instead.
There may be times when you feel discomfort whilst you’re playing in this new zone, that’s normal; and the aim is for this space to feel secure enough to feel all of that … and still have a damn good time!
But please remember, if you are actually just feeling really uncomfortable, then speak up my darling! Change it up, move around or take a break, all of that is totally cool and 100% your call.
Embrace distractions.
Bring anything that might help you feel more comfortable.
Do you want to play with bubbles? Have a couple of beers? Pop some Champagne? Have a playlist that you love to move to? Have a blanket that you love to snuggle in? Have a totally twirl-worthy dress, a rad suit or even just a cosy-ass sweater that makes you feel sexy and at home all in one? All these things can help distract you from being the centre of attention and give you something else to focus on.
You will not love every single image of yourself.
There are still some photos that I have of myself that have been taken by incredibly amazing and talented photographers that I don’t love. But rather than focussing in on the nitty gritty of what I dislike about myself in those ones, I focus on the pictures where I can open my mind enough to see positives in myself. Focussing on the positive verses the negative has never been something that comes easily but it’s a daily practice.
Rather than seeing one image that you dislike and it colouring your view of EVERYTHING you EVER see of yourself, ('The old adage ‘throwing the baby out with the bath water’ comes to mind and is something I have definitely allowed to happen myself in the past!), if you mentally prepare ahead of time you’re more likely to see yourself in a positive light. Let’s reframe your internal narrative, rather than allowing any negatives to swallow you whole.
Become the observer.
It’s strange seeing yourself in photos when you are so used to the mirror. It’s a psychological thing. Slowly but surely I have found stepping into the role of the observer has become a part of my process.
As you look at a photo instead of focussing on all your flaws; look for the connections, how you and your partner interact, how they look at you, how you make them feel. Rather than looking at you as you, imagine viewing it from someone else’s perspective, someone who loves you. It doesn’t matter what you look like; it’s you, wonderful you. It’s what they love day in and day out. There are millions of reasons they love you and it’s all wrapped up in this imperfect, flawed, messy, strong, bright and stunning human package.
“You are worth no less
when you look or feel different”
Like I said, learning how to love yourself in pictures is a journey; this is an ongoing conversation. Are you someone that loves being in front of the camera? Are you someone that struggles with it like us, or for entirely different reasons? We would love to hear how you feel about this story, does it help at all? Are you on this journey too and have found other tips or mental reframes that have helped you in the past? Please feel welcome to comment below or if you would like to message us personally, please feel free to email us at inkphotobc@gmail.com.
The photos in this blog have been taken by a variety of wonderful photographer friends. They have done some much to help at the start of this learning how to love yourself in pictures process. Thank you gorgeous creatives, you are inspiring and supportive and we love this incredible community.
Nicky / Leah / Janice / Emily / Anastasia & Alyssa